


letters to my love/to a stranger

by orphan_account



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-27
Updated: 2012-10-27
Packaged: 2017-11-17 03:52:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/547334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: they hook up with each other while they’re still dating other people, but Karen doesn’t want to leave her boyfriend to be with Matt, even though Matt would drop anything to be with her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	letters to my love/to a stranger

**Monday 25th June 2012, 10:22  
** **From: bodgerbadger  
** **To: karenandthebabes  
** **RE:  
** Kaz -   
Get back home all right? Just got to mum and dad’s, got some boxes to pick up before I go down to London next week. When are you coming down? Not till after the summer, or…? I’ll be back up in ol’ Cymru in September, so let me know :)

See you soon, I hope!! Mxx   
  
 **Monday 25th June 2012, 19:43  
From: karenandthebabes  
To: bodgerbadger  
RE: RE:**  
Nice try, Matt. You do realise we’re gonna have to talk about it at some point, right?   
Kaz  
  
 **Monday 25th June 2012, 19:56  
From: bodgerbadger  
To: karenandthebabes  
RE: RE: RE:**  
I never said we couldn’t talk about it! Just thought it best to wait, you know, until we could  _talk,_ not just email. Mxx  
  
 **Tuesday 26th June 2012, 14:24  
From: karenandthebabes  
To: bodgerbadger  
RE: RE: RE: RE:**  
Hey Matt, sorry, was a bit stressed/tired yesterday :) Yeah, okay, let’s meet up when I’m down South again - sometime week beginning 9th July? Gonna be a bit busy but I can let you know nearer the time?   
Kaz x  
  
 **Tuesday 26th June 2012, 15:42  
From: bodgerbadger  
To: karenandthebabes  
RE: RE: RE: RE: RE:**  
Fine by me! I’m free most of the time, you know, just gonna try and relax before September haha. God, another nine months of madness, and you gone… Going to be strange.   
Anyway, yeah, give me a ring when you’ know when you’ll be free!  
Mxx  
  
 **Sunday 1st July 2012. 18:06  
From: bodgerbadger  
To: karenandthebabes  
RE: pinch punch, first of the month!**  
Hey Karen, just checking in that we’re still okay for next week. Still up in bonny Scotland? Would explain the technology fail and lack of communication… Last time I went that far North my phone just died on me in the cold… ;)  
Mxx  
  
 **Wednesday 3rd July 2012, 19:21**  
 **From: bodgerbadger**  
 **To: karenandthebabes**  
 **RE: pinch punch first of the month!**  
Kaz, what’s up? I know you’re in London now (not that I stalk the tabloids or anything…) so give me a ring or something, okay? Mxx  
  
 **Friday 5th July 2012, 10:05**  
 **From: bodgerbadger**  
 **To: karenandthebabes**  
 **RE: pinch punch first of the month!**  
Seriously, Karen, not funny anymore.  
  
 **Tuesday 10th July 2012. 23:13  
From: bodgerbadger  
To: karenandthebabes**  
 **RE:**  
Okay, if you won’t talk to me, I’ll have to type at you.  
I don’t regret it, at all, not for a second, okay? Never did, and it’s fucking terrifying to me that you might have thought that, just because I had to leave so early. Mum and dad were expecting me at home! I had a rental car booked and everything! I wish I could have stayed, at least to talk to you, okay? I really, really, wish I could have stayed longer.  
Basically I also wish we hadn’t left it so late. All of it. The  _wrap party??_ Your  _last day?_?? God knows I’ve fancied you for years, Karen, and I really really want this to work. I think maybe you thought I was running away? That I was avoiding talking about it because I didn’t want to talk about it? Not true, not at all, not even a little bit true. I was avoiding talking about it because I want to do this properly, I want to get you flowers and pick you up at your flat and take you out for dinner and  _then_  talk about it. And I’m in London for another two months, you know, and even in September I can manage a fortnightly drive down if you can manage a fortnightly drive up every other weekend. We can’t let that be scary, Karen. I don’t want to think about  _what happens if we drift apart_ , I want to think about  _what if we don’t._  
Love,  
Matt xxx  
PS - Just in case you were wondering. Serena gets back from the Milan shoot tomorrow, and I’m going to talk to her in two or three day’s time. It’s not even something I need to decide, you kind of made my decision for me a long time ago, I was just always too scared to take those steps.  
  
 **Tuesday 10th July 2012. 23:45**  
 **From: karenandthebabes**  
 **To: bodgerbadger**  
 **RE: RE:**  
Matt…  
Well, first of all, why are you going to talk to Serena?? She’s not involved in this.  
Let’s talk soon, ok?  
Kaz  
  
 **Tuesday 10th July 2012. 23:50  
From: bodgerbadger  
To: karenandthebabes**  
 **RE: RE: RE:**  
I don’t get what you mean, sorry Kaz. Of course she’s involved. She  _has_  been my girlfriend for nearly two years, I can’t just end it with a text or an email.  
Can I talk to you, please?   
Mattxxx  
  
 **Wednesday 11rh July 2012, 00:06  
From: bodgerbadger  
To: karenandthebabes  
RE: RE: RE**  
I know you’re online, you just emailed me a couple of minutes ago. Skype?   
  
 **Wednesday 11rh July 2012, 02:14  
From: bodgerbadger  
To: karenandthebabes  
RE: RE: RE**  
Can’t sleep… Guess this is the point where I take a hint, right?  
Look, Kaz, I know you’re with Will, I’d understand if you need time to get out of that before we can go out or do anything, you know, as a couple or something. Just please, please, please, let me know.   
Matt  
  
 **Wednesday 11th July 2012, 04;17  
From: bodgerbadger  
To: karenandthebabes  
RE: RE: RE:**  
I love you. Just in case that wasn’t clear.  
  
 **Thursday 12th July 2012, 11:53  
From: karenandthebabes  
To: bodgerbadger  
RE: RE: RE: RE:**  
Jesus, Matt. If I wanted to talk to you right now, I would talk to you, okay? No, my number hasn’t changed and yes, I’ve gotten all your emails. I just need to… clear my head a bit.  
Will and I are going away on holiday for a bit, we need to sort some stuff out. Can we meet up when I’m back? Or will you be up in Cardiff already? Either way, I’ll give your mobile a ring when I’ve got time.  
Karen

 

**_Greetings from Santa Catalina_ **

_Gran Canaria, 23/08/12_

_Hi Matt,  
Having a lovely time here in the sun… Hope Cardiff’s not too rainy, hahaha!  
Went scuba diving yesterday, Will got well freaked out but I LOVED IT. Saw some amazing stuff, I’ll mail you the pics when I’m home.   
How are ya? How’s filming? Hope you’re having a good time, obviously not as good as it would be with me and Arthur, but a good time all the same.  
See you soon! Love,  
Karen_

**dymuno i chi oedd yma**

_Upper Boat,.05-09-2012_

_Kaz!  
Lovely to hear from you, I know you don’t exactly need reminding of what Cardiff looks like but I thought a postcard merited a postcard in return! As you might have guess, rain rain rain here and we seem to be a week behind schedule already…  
How was the rest of your holiday? Scuba diving sounds epic, I really want to give it a go some time.  
I get a week off for the Doctor-lite in a month or so, you going to be around in London?  
Love from  
Matt  
PS- I dunno if you saw in the papers or whatever, or if it even makes a difference, but I broke up with Serena. Just. So you know._

  
  
**From: K  
Sent: 12:32 8/9/12**  
Hiya! Just got your card, thank yoooouuu x  
  
 **From: Matt S**  
 **Sent: 15:45 8/9/12**  
No probs :) Back in London then? xx  
  
 **From: K**  
 **Sent: 19:13 8/9/12**  
Yeah, landed this morning… Tired! Want to be back in the sun haha. How’s life up in Cardiff? x  
 **  
From: Matt S**  
 **Sent:  21:04 8/9/12**  
Oh, you know, same old, same old. Not the same without you! Finally done for the day, gotta get cracking on these lines now :s   
 **  
From: K  
Sent: 21:33 8/9/12**  
Unlucky! Curled up at Will’s withSleepless in Seattle and a mountain of popcorn hahaa. x  
 **  
From: Matt S  
Sent: 21:59 8/9/12**  
Hate you x  
  
 **From: K  
Sent: 22:21 8/9/12**  
No you don’t. x  
  
 **From: Matt S  
Sent: 22:24 8/9/12**  
No, you’re right, I don’t. x  
 **  
From** :  **K  
Sent: 22:50 8/9/12**  
Ahh, what a nice relaxing movie! I think I’ll have an early night =P x

**From: Matt S  
Sent: 22:55  8/9/12**  
Now you’re just being mean x  
  
 **From: K  
Sent: 23:01 8/9/12**  
You know you love me xo xo gossip kaz  
  
 **From: K  
Sent: 23:05 8/9/12**  
Shit.  
  
 **From: K  
Sent: 23:11 8/9/12**  
Matt?  
  
 **From: K  
Sent: 23:18 8/9/12**  
I didn’t mean. Shit.  
  
 **From: K  
Sent: 00:02 9/9/12**  
Matt please don’t be mad  
 **  
From: K  
Sent: 00:06 9/9/12**  
I’M SORRY. PLEASE TEXT ME BACK.  
  
 **From: K  
Sent: 00:10 9/9/12**  
I hate this. I’m sorry sorry sorry for making this weird. Please just tell me we’re okay  
  
 **From: Matt S 9/9/12  
Sent: 00:14**  
Karen, stop freaking. We’re cool. Now go to sleep x  
  
   
 **Sunday 21st September 2012, 17:20**  
 **From: karenandthebabes**  
 **To: bodgerbadger**  
 **RE: hiiiii  
** Hi Matt!  
So so lovely to see you the other day, shame you were only down for such a short time! Hope all is well in Cardiff! Anyway, yeah, just wanted to say hello really, and I’m so so glad we managed to talk and be normal and, you know, stuff.  
Kaz xx  
 **  
Monday 22nd September 2012, 06:12  
From: bodgerbadger  
To: karenandthebabes  
RE: RE: hiiiii  
**Hey hey Kaz :)  
Up mega-early for the drive out to location today (top secret but I’ll tell you anyway. It’s Gloucester. Thrilling, I know) and what do I see? An email from my favourite Scottish person!   
And yeah, was definitely great to see you and hang out. We shall repeat when I next get a free moment!  
Maz (yes? No?) xx

**Thursday 25th September 2012, 13:15  
From: karenandthebabes**  
 **To: bodgerbadger**  
 **RE: RE: RE: hiiiii  
** Hey Matt - (No, not Maz. Just no.)  
Just a quick heads-up that you might be getting some phone calls from a couple of newspapers and stuff in the next couple of days. Really sorry! I kept you out of it as much as was humanly possible, but you know what they’re like.  
Sorry again,  
Karen x

**From: Matt S  
Sent: 19:43 25/9/12  
**Shit, just saw the  _Sun_. So so sorry Kaz. If it makes you feel any better, I always thought he was a wanker xxx

  
**From: K  
Sent: 02:10 26/9/12  
**Haha thanks :) x  
 _  
To the one and only Mr. Matt on this anniversary of his being born -  
_ HAPPY BIRTHDAY STUPID FACE!!!!  
You’re getting so OLD haha (don’t worry, not gonna mention the “Big Three Oh”…oops I just did), I better get a move on or I’ll never catch up. (Yes I know that’s not how it works, shut up.)  
I wanted to send a cake, but then I decided it would be better to eat it in your honour. It’s the thought that counts, right?? For your information, it was a pineapple upside down cake and it was AMAZING if I do say so myself.  
…Yes, it also came from a shop. No, I still can’t cook. Oh well.  
Here’s to many many many happy returns, go out and get pissed in Cardiff for me, okay? I miss your face, let’s make a pact to see each other at Xmas  
Kazza xxxxxx  
  
 **From: Matt S  
Sent: 10:54 28/10/12  
**Guess what the postman just dropped through the letter box? Can’t believe you ate my cake! RUDE. No but seriously cheers for the card x

_  
For the most wonderful and amazing Karen on her quarter-centenary…  
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GILLAN!!  
_Blimey, 25. I remember being 25…Ahh, it was a simpler time…  
Anyway, hope you have a SMASHING year with lots and lots of laughs and amazing moments and brilliant friends (mentioning no names. Ahem) and most of all I really, really, really, hope you feel better about the split from W. soon. (Sorry to bring it up. I’ve just ruined your ENTIRE BIRTHDAY haven’t I??) No but seriously, keep your spirits up! You don’t need the bastard anyway, he didn’t deserve the epicness that is Kaz.  
XOXO GOSSIP MATT (yes, Molly got me into it…I can’t stop watching! So addictively rubbish oh dear god)

**  
From: K  
Sent: 11:23 25/12/12  
**Happy Christmas!!!! Say hello to your parents from me and my mum and dad! And Caitlin says thank you for the books (and I say thank you for the necklace, it’s gorgeous) xx  
  
 **From: Matt S 25/12/12  
Sent: 14:37  
**Merry Christmas, Gillan! Lots of love to the family, say hellooo especially to Caitlin for me, yeah? And thank you thank you thank you for the scarf :D We’ve just had the turkey, now everyone’s a bit bored…Pity there’s nothing on telly tonight…xx  
  
 **From: K**    
 **Sent: 16:01 25/12/12**  
Narcissistic bugger. We won’t be watching it ANYWAY.x  
  
 **From: Matt S  
Sent: 17:21 25/12/12  
**Now Karen we both know that’s not quite true…x  
  
 **From: K  
Sent: 20:09 25/12/12  
**Ugh, FINE, I watched it but only because mum made me of course. Was weird seeing it without me, haa… But yeah, you made me cry again, so well done mister, splendiferous job (and well done to Molly as well, cracking first ep. Everyone should be really proud!!!!) x

  
**From: K  
Sent: 00:01 1/1/13**  
HAPPY NEW YEAR! x  
 **  
From: Matt S  
Sent: -00:12 1/1/13  
**Happy 2013 Kaz =D xx

  
**Saturday 5th January 2013, 23:54**  
 **From: karenandthebabes**  
 **To: bodgerbadger**  
 **RE: Seriously?  
** That’s how you let me find out? In the papers? The FUCK, Matt?  
Karen  
PS - And by the way? Dating the companion? Yeah, sooo not a bad idea at all. Jesus CHRIST.  
  
 **Sunday 6th January 2013, 10:18  
From: bodgerbadger  
To: karenandthebabes  
RE: RE: Seriously?  
**Oh, come off it, Kaz, I’ve got no apologies to make to you. They caught us before I got a chance to talk to you, okay?  
Matt  
PS - Not that it’s any of your business, but… Actually, no buts. It’s none of your business  
  
 **Sunday 6th January 2013, 17:24**  
 **From: karenandthebabes**  
 **To: bodgerbadger**  
 **RE: RE: RE: Seriously?  
** Wow. Mature, Matt. I just thought we were, you know, friends or important to each other, or SOMETHING, but apparently not. Apparently it’s now cool to drop the three-years-strong “no screwing the co-stars” rule without even letting your best friend know.  
Karen  
  
 **Sunday 6th January 2013, 21:35  
From: bodgerbadger  
To: karenandthebabes  
RE: RE: RE: RE: Seriously?  
**Okay, fine, let’s not pretend this isn’t about us. Well, guess what, Kaz? I’ve moved on. Sorry if that’s bad for your ego or whatever, but for your information Molly is really cool about keeping work and our personal lives separate. And it wasn’t ever a REAL “rule” anyway, it was just a thing that was assumed, and now it isn’t.  
Matt. **  
  
Monday 7th January 2013, 09:17  
From: karenandthebabes**  
 **To: bodgerbadger**  
 **RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Seriously?  
** » Okay, fine, let’s not pretend this isn’t about us.  
Meaning WHAT, exactly? This isn’t about “us” in that way, it’s about us being best friends and apparently trusting each other and talking about these things.   
Look, never mind, okay? I was just a bit pissed off. I don’t even care who you’re sleeping with, Matt, I just care when you seem to not want to tell me stuff.   
Kaz  
  
 **Wednesday 8th January 2013, 07:04  
From: bodgerbadger  
To: karenandthebabes  
RE: RE: RE: RE: Seriously?  
**Hi Karen…  
You’re right, let’s not fight. I should have told you sooner, and I’m sorry. I’ve got to run now, the car’s outside and Molly’s already on her way downstairs, I just wanted to say hi. And sorry. And let’s talk soon.  
Matt x

**  
___________________________________________________________________________________  
Chilworth. 7th May 2013**

**_  
Mr and Mrs Charles Bealey_ **   
  
**_Request the pleasure of the company of_ **   
**  
** _ KAREN GILLAN AND GUEST **  
  
at the marriage of their daughter  
  
Molly Louise  
  
to   
  
Mr. Matthew Robert Smith  
  
at St. Denys Church, Chilworth  
  
on Saturday the 24th of August 2013  
  
at 11.30am  
  
and afterwards at  
  
Chilworth Manor, Chilworth** _

**_  
22 Romsey Road  
Chilworth  
Hampshire SO16  
                                                                                                                   _ **

**R.S.V.P**

**_____________________________________________________________________________________ **

****

**From: K  
Sent: 11:34 9/5/13  
**Jesus, Matt.  
  
 **From: Matt S  
Sent: 11:37 9/5/13  
**I thought it might arrive today. You will come, won’t you?   
  
 **From: K  
Sent: 11:40 9/5/13  
**Of course I will! Of COURSE. It’s just, you know, again with the not-telling-Karen-stuff.   
 **  
From: Matt S  
Sent: 11:45 9/5/13  
**I know, I know :( I guess I was scared of how you’d react.  
  
 **From: K  
Sent: 11:51 9/5/13  
**Well, obviously I’d tell you it’s way too early and I think it’s a bad idea but you know what? It’s your life, Matt, I’m not gonna tell you what to do. And hey, congrats xx  
 **  
From: Matt S  
Sent: 12:02 9/5/13  
**Thanks Karen :) means a lot to me!!! xx (ps you know you’re helping me pick a suit/write a speech/plan everything, right?)  
  
 **From: K  
Sent: 12:10 9/5/13  
**Of course I am, Matthew.x

  
  
**Thursday, 22nd August 2013, 04:13  
From: karenandthebabes**  
 **To: bodgerbadger**  
 **RE: bear with me, I’ve been drinking  
** Dear Matt,  
I dunno exactly why I think this is a good idea at four in the morning, but I’m in my flat feeling drunk and sentimental and reckless so LET’S GO.  
  
I love you. Please don’t marry Molly. Please please please don’t say it’s too late. I’m really really bad at noticing things, and I think that’s why it went so wrong when that thing happened last summer, and that’s why I got angry instead of happy (I was angry at me, really, but I thought I was angry at you), and that’s why I didn’t want to risk everything. Because it would have meant risking everything, Matt, not just my career (or your career) and public image and my relationship with Will the Wanker, that all doesn’t really matter, but it would have meant risking US. Our friendship. Matt-and-Kaz. I didn’t think I could face losing that, and maybe that’s why I was so fucking scared to even give it a go.  
  
Except I know now how stupid that was, because I don’t just hate that you don’t tell me things about your life, Matt. I hate that your love life isn’t with me. I hate that I ruined everything and I hate myself because I’ve been so selfish all along, and now I’m doing maybe the most selfish thing ever by sending this.  
  
Maybe I won’t send this. Maybe I’ll do the right thing and delete it and come on Saturday in my purple dress and be the best friend I can be.  
  
Maybe.  
  
Okay, so, I won’t say “without hope or agenda” like in  _Love Actually_  because I might not have hope, not really, but I do have an agenda. The day after tomorrow - actually, it’s technically Thursday already, so tomorrow - I’ll be in Portsmouth. You know where that is? It’s like an hour’s drive from Chilworth, I looked it up on Google maps. There’s a tower there called the Spinnaker Tower. And because I’m a stupid cow who watches too many romantic films to know what’s real and what’s fictional, I’m going to be up on the top floor of the Spinnaker Tower until it closes, at seven in the evening (it opens at 10am.) And if you don’t turn up - don’t worry, I wouldn’t blame you - then I’m going to get on a ferry and go to France or Spain or wherever, and clear my head a bit, and when I come back and see you in a couple of months everything will be back to normal.  
  
Oh god. I shouldn’t send this. I really, really, really, shouldn’t send this.

I’ll be there, okay? Please say it isn’t too late. I love you, and I’ve loved you for forever, and I hate hate hate that I let it go this far.  
  
Karen  
  
PS. Oh god. Okay. Send or not send? Definitely not send. Okay, I’m going to delete this now, bye  
  
No, fuck it, send.

  
  
**From: Matt S  
Sent: 20:12 23/8/13  
**KARENKARENKAREN  
  
 **From: Matt S  
Sent: 20:13 23/8/13  
**FUCK THERE’S NO SIGNAL ON BOATS FUCK  
 **  
From: Matt S  
Sent: 20:15 23/8/13  
**KAREN. PLEASE PLEASE SAY YOU’RE NOT IN FRANCE ALREADY.  
 **  
From: Matt S  
Sent: 21:23 23/8/13  
**Karen, if you answer tonight I will get on a plane and find you.   
 **  
From; Matt S  
Sent: 00:02 24/8/13  
**This isn’t funny Karen I am technically getting married TODAY. Please tell me you didn’t leave your phone behind. Please please please say you’re getting these texts I don’t know what to do I can’t just LEAVE I am getting MARRIED but fuck why do you have to do this to me Karen just tell me where you are  
  
 **From: Matt S  
Sent: 01:32 24/8/13  
**Karen. I can’t sleep. Karen you must have gotten to France or wherever the fuck you’re going by now. Kaz. Kaz please.  
  
 **From: Matt S  
Sent: 03:00 24/8/13  
**Fuck I just thought what if you took an overnight ferry, they exist, you can get them in Portsmouth, i just checked.   
  
 **From: Matt S  
Sent: 06:16 24/8/13  
**Given up on sleeping now. Going to go for a run and try to think.  
 **  
From: Matt S  
Sent: 07:53 24/8/13  
**Back. Running didn’t help. I have to go in an hour to get ready.   
  
 **From: Matt S  
Sent: 08:14 24/8/13  
**What do you want me to do, Kaz? I don’t know what the right thing is because is it even fair on M to get married like this but on the other hand I do love her and I wanted to marry her but on the other hand it’s YOU and i LOVE YOU and it’s SO LATE KAREN WHY DID YOU DO THIS NOW  
  
 **From: Matt S  
Sent: 09:44 24/8/13  
**Laura’s here to help me get ready. I’m in the suit you picked for me. Karen. I’m going to keep my phone on until 10.30, okay? I really REALLY cannot leave it any later than that, this is already unfair enough on M.  
  
 **From: Matt S  
Sent: 10:30, 24/8/13  
**Well. Bye, Kaz, and thanks for telling me. I love you. I know I need to forget about loving you, like, RIGHT NOW, and I’m going to. Just let me say it as many times as is humanly possible before I have to stop i love you i love you i love you i love you

**Author's Note:**

> This, obviously, isn’t supposed to be a complete reflection of EVERY email, text, letter, etc, that they send each other, just a sample


End file.
